If I can be completely transparent, I have wanted to close my eyes, plug my ears, and pretend nothing was out of the ordinary over this past weekend. I would honestly have liked nothing more than to gather my little family into the safety of our home, shelter my children from the chaos of the "outside world," and continue pursuing my dreams unhindered by world events and a changing political climate. It is not that I am unengaged in political and cultural happenings; I am just a tad overwhelmed. Historical and national decisions are being and have been made in our midst, directing the course of our nation gone astray, and I will confess, I am bit dizzy from all of the chatter.

I am among many of you who have wrestled deeply with our faith and how to live out our convictions in the climate of our ever-changing world. I could take your time now to articulate some of my thoughts, but I would rather not add more words to the many that are already out there. Others have adequately said what I believe. One of my favorite articles can be found here.

I wish I could adequately express the emotions that might reside in my heart on any given day. Sometimes I sit to write, and I cannot choose where to start or which end to write about.

There is the overwhelming joy I have for my daughter, for the life I feel moving and kicking and growing in my womb; there is also the grief that rises up at times, coming out of nowhere like a thief in the night. There is the longing I have to hold my daughter, to see her face, to proudly show her to the world as the child God has entrusted to us; there is also the fear of what is to come, the unknown with all its guaranteed hard days and good days. I feel like a pendulum of emotions at times.

There is a lie floating around in our culture, surfacing its ugly head every now and then in various circumstances. Sometimes, it is proclaimed in the everyday things. Maybe it's the college student, overwhelmed with his full-time job, finals for six classes, and an upcoming graduation. In this stress-filled environment, you might hear this student say to himself, "I am so overwhelmed! But I know God wouldn't give me more than I can bear. I can do this!" Or maybe it's the young mother of four, swamped with dirty diapers, messy rooms, and sticky faces. At the end of the day and at the end of her ropes, she types a weary status on Facebook, to which a friend replies, "God has not given you more than you can bear. You can do this!"

For This Child I've Prayed

"For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Ps. 139:13-14a

Several weeks ago, I wrote a post about the scariest prayer. Now that we are ready to share, I would like to give a little background on that post.

I would venture to say that most girls, as they grow up, dream of becoming mothers. I know that's not true of every girl, but I think it's safe to say that it's true for the majority of girls. It was true for me. Because I don't have time to go into all of the details of my journey toward becoming a mom, I will give you a condensed version. I will say this, though: while our journey of becoming parents hasn't been the easiest, I know that it hasn't been the hardest, either. We have dealt with infertility, but I know there are others who have had much greater struggles with infertility than us. This is our story...